Dreamy Ambivalence 

I woke up on a train and I was baffled by all the things I didn’t know                           Losing my goodbye, I cried

I didn’t know I had to go 

You pushed me out the back door and you kissed the knees you skinned                            My black eye even held a key for you                You kissed that too and it haunted me

You held me so sweetly                                    You pretended to break                               Hurt by me, hurt by all the things you couldn’t heal                                                         I sunk straight into your eyes, just like you wanted

My reluctance made you the sacrifice Leaving me to find my own map        But what’s a map when you don’t know where you started 

Purgatory is worse than hell

You beat me

To a conclusion 


Elaborating on something real for once 

Sometimes I’ll get really lost in numbers, trying to use them to measure my worth. I’ll start to fixate, organizing myself, my character, my accomplishments, etc. into compartments. I have to stop myself and take a grand sweep backward, seeing the whole picture and accepting it at face value to understand the danger in the numbers game.

My mother taught me that being kind and good to all life is where the real merit lies.

Hank taught me that the power of independence is greater than any box dwelling.

The California Sunshine taught me the importance of leaving the familiar; you can always go back but investing time in the enigmatic “Other” keeps “Room” from narrowing your mind. 

It is so vital to feel, and to feel it all, taking into account the fluidity of every one of these feelings. They cannot be quantified. Our minds are too beautiful and complex to allow for numbness and atrophy. I value myself and I do it because I love the whole world. I value my art because it comes from my honest work and no one has a say about that except for me, even when my thoughts are lavish or wholly ridiculous. 

I am me and that is the most critical thing to be. 

Working on it 

Sprinkling admonishments, as sincere as a kiss. No partial signs of aggression 

saddling the back of a cornered cat – 

Passive passive doormat, lying paralyzed in the cold, poking holes in the soles of a job well done

Forgetting antsy treading, leading to a forlorn threshold 

This means silent war; the start of a battle

Between closed lips 

An old favorite

Camel eyes unadorned, with a greeting I practiced seven years ago in a well-to-do bathroom

I am small like an ant


Silly and small

Chronically platonic, playing my face grotesquely, mustering up the sexually ambiguous

I am sorry, I am small


Silly and small

I take boat loads of glares and I cherish them deep, what they mean is mean is mean

I could have climbed back, truck-hidden, doped up on the grit; grimey trash bags of sneers snagging my back

I am sorry, I am small


Silly and small


I embody an itch

Crawling around, my skin peels back, a perfect trap, a perfect warning, a more perfect feeling

It doesn’t run dry, it moves like the tide; the ebb and flow of life’s seduction

Each heave of intention pulls right back, troublesome but monumental, the ache is sweet, the rush is sweeter

Post-Most Things 

Pulled apart at the bone, this affliction is a miracle, saving us from restless thought

If only we could come out on the other side

The shrieking leads down a road to utter meaninglessness, but that right there means everything

Stop for just a moment to gaze at the blinding innovation perpetuated by the ideal 

That real is real

is real

Rejecting the Puppets

It’s the innate blindness that keeps me seeking. Something bigger to be a part of, being broken alongside brothers,

They feel the weight too

That’s why we connect, engaging an intellect with so much more power than the toxic simplicity we desperately cling to

To feel is to breathe, our people are oxygen

We play it off like it’s taboo; words seen as a shiv, plunging invasively into our sacred palates

But it is a quaint security to hold our adages, to embrace our first thoughts

It is choosing infinity over the disguised malice that is so easily woven into our existence