I really really think (I’ll never know now)

Caught up in your hands

I feel the stabbing pain

Of absence

Gone, gone, gone

I lie down

And close my eyes

Body and mind

Irreversibly wound

The naked trees

Laugh at me

Their own cold propriety

Unabashed, in waiting

Caught up in your hands

My heart stays awake

Begging my body to be good

Baby face

Churlish ways

Gone, gone, gone


disputed disease

Recalling a dream

I felt misunderstood

More than I ever have felt

Serenading an instant

Sweet familiarity

An unstinting instant that sticks

Toxic in the bones

self sabotage

I grope around for a loosened latch

One that doesn’t trap me inside

Or eat me alive

But each pane pangs with an idea

That needs control

Leading leading leading

As always to – yes always

A perpetuated affliction

Set up by yours truly

The saints go by – as always always

Waving shiny news

The most majestic composure

But I don’t forget that it’s not so bad

They can’t look away either

On Comfort 

Getting stir-crazy makes a mountain, chancing every last inch.

Even still,

it’s a safe bet we’ve been here before,

And there,

And there, the choice exists – implicit but oh so real. Inescapable and palpable, like a screaming tug in all directions

Within, within, begging to slow, it doesn’t ever stop.


Lonely woman, harsh concrete

Living as is, bikes are problematic

Nakedness gets you — get out

I heard the hello drop like a hot potato

I didn’t even smile

Guilt, groundless emotions

feeling your alien feelings

I always carry cash; I left

my wallet — insert the inaccessible


I pledge such deep compassion

But wretchedness leaks in through

the attitude, through reinforcement,

proof — poof, your anger intrusive, invasive

Perverse let me ins and objects never nice

Noticed too often and never enough

A brief understanding 

Lazy Monday shadows

Put perspective on its edge

Even sun specs give life 

To the dancing dust 

That darkness forbids 

Even movement 

scattered on the wall

Will sway in an instant 

And change alongside 

the chemicals in your brain 

Even the sleep marks 

On your face

Will fall and fade

Before the light will decide

Where to go next 


The sun broke this morning

what should have been dawn turned to a cry

for upkeep. From the streets it was audible,

loud and clear; ringing all the way to my core

There was a gnawing in my belly

but the gloom held me down as the earth shook with laughter

Darkness kept me still as I tried to bargain

My voice fell flat but I could hear rain outside the window

At least I know that we’re still turning




Modus Operandi

I wait another second, the thought dies away                  Three, four, six, seven, nine

Everything is fine

Delicate creatures ripped to shreds 

Before they reach the forefront 

Hocus pocus,   a tattooed locust

Nothing ever really quiets the madness

Nothing is real

All of us take the stage
overflowing with sweet nonsense
Delusional eccentricities
poach our collective memory of uniform
Leaving our dopey grins,
our “I can change everything” hearts
We are not programmed to fathom – everything
loses texture
Being idle creates a fog
Nothing can kick in but the smoke
Our audience is sick and dismayed,
they can’t even tell us apart

Dreamy Ambivalence 

I woke up on a train and I was baffled by all the things I didn’t know                           Losing my goodbye, I cried

I didn’t know I had to go 

You pushed me out the back door and you kissed the knees you skinned                            My black eye even held a key for you                You kissed that too and it haunted me

You held me so sweetly                                    You pretended to break                               Hurt by me, hurt by all the things you couldn’t heal                                                         I sunk straight into your eyes, just like you wanted

My reluctance made you the sacrifice Leaving me to find my own map        But what’s a map when you don’t know where you started 

Purgatory is worse than hell

You beat me

To a conclusion